I am sure, I don’t have to say this to you in so many words but we all know that relationships are funny and weird.  Especially the ones that you ‘Oh! I so care, about’

They are the ones that would tend to affect you the most. They are the ones that will disturb your mind out of its own realms.

Have fight with someone you love and until you have a heart of stone – you will be affected and will see the immediate changes in the way you feel.

The reason why I say relationships are weird because the gamut of emotions that they can bring about in just matter of seconds. You may not feel like eating, you may not feel like drinking {water i.e.} You may not feel like doing a lot of things out of your normal and regular schedule.

Some relationships in our lives become so important that every other aspect of that person’s mind will bother your mind. So if your loved one is not happy – you won’t be too and will be constantly worried. If you know someone is not feeling well or is not safe – it garners and brings about an entire new gamut within you.

How many of us have changed naturally because of the people we have our loved relations with? How many of us ensure we don’t do anything that our loved one doesn’t like. Some people who are bull headed don’t do anything about it – probably because they have never felt the loving change themselves to realize how beautiful is to do things for those whom you love.

Every relationship is different and has a different shade of dark too. With some people you would only land up fighting – for their own benefit – the reason at the back of it would be because you only care. Strange, isn’t it that you may hurt your own loved one – because you cannot see them get hurt!

Strange are relationships!

I can’t seem to get her out of my head and I really thought it would have been a piece of cake for me – little did I know other wise.

The eyes have taken me by a storm. the glee in those eyes – spoke volumes of her zest and character. No – not anything that impresses me – but still it had its own ‘evil’ charm.

The strength depicted the demeanor of her thoughts to what she always wanted to fight. A first impression would be – maybe she knew she wasn’t so well off to take care and give me a life that she would ideally have – or maybe that is just my impression of her.

Maybe it was the pure love of money that didn’t come her way – through her conditions that made her give everything up. Did she even try hard enough – still remains a mystery amidst the shrouded questions of those around me too – who surprisingly have also got up to ask questions when it’s only my time to ask!

There are still a lot of questions unanswered out there and maybe I will never ever find true & honest answers to those. The story is untold of the life that she lived all these years – a story that she is probably the only one who can tell. Do I know or have any mechanism to cross check; if I hear it from the horse’s mouth will be bang on true.

Probably, a bigger question lays in the fact – do I really want to know NOW? Some part of me – wants to know the history – but do I want to take a risk and be rest assured that I wont be impacted or hurt emotionally again – and those answers may just raise a whole new series of more questions again?

There are just no guarantees in life for any decision you make – you just have to weigh your pros and cons so damn well – that you are the last one to face the impact and still there won’t be any guarantees!

I grew up in a different atmosphere – an atmosphere that can’t really be defined as good or bad. It cant be defined as best or worse for anyone. It just cant be defined.

There are something’s in life that you cannot have rules for – which can’t be pre determined as good or bad for anyone. You cannot have benchmark for some things in life…as they are probably just situational and one of cases.

If you are or have been in a situation where you have felt:

1. It has not been fair..
   
2. Is worse than those around you..
   
3. You didn’t deserve it..
   
4. Some people have it better..
   
5. Some people – your friends are lucky, your neighbour has a better family than you, your destiny isn’t wit you etc… Then you really need to only know, remember & have the strength to believe AND have that faith that; It’s only going to get better from now on.
   Have the belief that it was the best thing to happen to you – to make you who you are. The fact remains that you also know that you cant change it …then why delve over it.

   Why keep dwelling on something that may have been your past. Why struggle & live in your current times?

   Life is short & its best lived..like a KING {in my case – as a TOTAL PRINCESS }

   This is my New Promise to myself.

   This is the New Me…

Now many would argue tat Foundations are developed over a period of time with new relations just like the foundation of marriage. However my argument is different to these other relationships.

These other relationships are developed after you have grown up & already have the sense of the outside world. You develop these other relationships after watching your parents first.

When you start coming to senses while growing up, your eyes first open, to seeing them – Their relationship with each other, their interactions, their values wit each other & their beliefs. These grounded factors very naturally becomes your A B C’s of for any future relations – as you grow.

You base a lot of your school relationships, college and work relationships – based on what you have learnt at home from your parents. What they have taught you about relationships and interactions.

However, now lets see a different side of the world for those who grow up without this wall & their very step around them doesn’t really exist. They haven’t seen ‘Parent’s per se..nor have had the liberty to see a ‘mother’ & ‘father’ interact.

Its just a different ball game for them all together. They are left open to make their own values & beliefs & value system for relationships. They either learn by watching their friends parents or those other random family members & acquaintances.

They become a mix breed for a lot of things. Watching, observing, picking bits & pieces from here & there to build up their own customized frame to be followed.

They can be ‘hopefully’ free spirited or liberal minded. They get a lot of diversity if they put their mind to it. They have the freedom to pick & choose what seems right for most people & then try & amalgamate in their life to see what suits them the best & how well it works for them.

Their experiences can be vast..their ways of looking things wit more options than others. It’s just a different world…for a lot of people out there.

It’s Growing Up Differently…

His friend had written to him in the email that it would be good to see him and if he could come over and visit him. They could then go and plan a trip and go partying to Chicago. His friend told him, that he wanted to do this all before his life nearly ends because of taking in endless medication, going to the doctors nearly every next day and the chemotherapy starts.

He couldn’t bear reading this email. His mind was distraught with the thought. I told him, that his friend still has to go to the doctor to get a confirmation about the extent and get some info on the stage of that disease. I tried to comfort by saying that he shouldn’t jump into any assumptions and to wait till he gets complete clarity on everything.

He confessed that his friend and he had lost in touch couple of years back as they both thought that the other was pissed and upset with him. He said, that his friend had written him this email, stating that he apologizes for everything that he must have felt about and wanted to just ensure that everything was okie between them.

He told me he felt crap reading all that…and though he has moved to a different country for work and is already struggling with his long distance relationship and was in the midst to figure out how he would be going back to visit his gf on her birthday…he now didn’t care how many holidays he has or how much has his current apartment been paid for. He said he doesn’t really would care for money as much as now he has made up his mind to go see his friend in NY.

He confessed, even though his friend was all into this frame of mind of doing everything and is prepared for the worst, he said he is not sure if he can go there and pretend that everything is ok.

The Pretence of Loving some one and not being able to express! The pretence of wanting to be a part of someone’s difficult moment and still not having the courage to. The feeling to wanting to be there and the moment of despair are friends! It’s that Moment – that defines your relationship with that person! It’s that start..telling  you about how you feel – The Start to Realization of flowing Emotions!

Her hand touched the forehead..and she asked if everything was all right. She opened her eyes and then rubbed them to help clear that blurred vision of coming out of her sleep.

The vision was of a lady smiling back. An enchanting face that you could completely fall in love with. Her eyes gleaming with the possibility of some hope that she carried with her.

A sense of belief arose that maybe this was it. Maybe she had reached the final answer to the only question she ever had in her life. Maybe she is the answer. Here it was..she was the mother who was holding back…but here she was in blood and soul.

And it was all a dream…a Dream of Hope!!!

WHY do people let their mind take over which is nothing but fearful?

Why do people Live in fear to lose everything that they may have?

Why do people let other people decide the path for their happiness?

Why do we not see what we really want, instead of letting the ELEMENT of FEAR seep in and play everything in our head?

Just why do we allow that?

Why are we not confident of our own feelings?

Why are we not confident of our own beliefs?

Why do you question every time, you are happy?

Why do you doubt – when there is nothing really to be doubted on?

Why is there a FEAR?

Why is THERE that devilish INSECURITY?

Why Question the BEST of THE RELATIONSHIPS you have always had?

Why NOT LET THERE BE JUST THE Free Spirited People …in Your life?

Why encourage and Question Those – Who never Cared?

Why run after something – that was never OUR’s in the first place?

Why is it just not so simple to be happy!!!

Why is THERE a WHY? Every time!

JUST WHY?

PS: This is not a Comeback…I was and will always be here!

So it’s a fact that “The Grass is always greener on the other side”. When I was 10, I did not have dreams, I did not have ambitions, I didn’t care whom I had to interact with and didn’t worry a bit about solving either of my problems; let along solving anyone else’s. 

Now that I have all grown up and as per other people’s defined vision have far more wisdom, I should be more responsibly married – and all I just want to do is; dream about walking in the plain huge spaced out green grass fields all bare footed and feel the nature’s wonders. The rainy season is adding further pleasures by making you feel like you would want to just step out and get your feet soaked in some wet grasslands or sleep by the beach. 

Is it my fault that I feel that this choice is far more better than worrying about an entire Vodafone Package Deal which will in short not only have ripped your pockets but also your mind – liaising with some god forsaken aunties scanning you like they themselves are standing in front of a mirror. Who said vampires in the form of a human soul didn’t exist anymore? 

Sigh! Being holed up at work with just hearing the rains lash at the windows – surely would make any sane human being dream…lets add Yaaaawn…to that as well!!

“Do people really go ahead and are ready to do anything to get that built up negative aggression out of their body, without having to think about any implications?” 

The causes for brain waves to send out these signals can be many – coming out of a broken or abusive relationship or marriage.

Some people may use this as an ‘addictive’ sense of calming down thus making one may just feel that they feel super energized after it. 

The physical wants triggered through hormones does satisfy the body’s needs – what about that spiritual satisfaction? Isn’t that important to us anymore, in today’s times?

Our bodies are mortals – our souls are not – is something that I have also been led to believe, through education, society,  culture and religion. We make relationships not seeing how beautiful or attractive the body of the opposite soul is. 

Yea, probably there are some people out there whose brains are focused ‘only and only’ in their physical needs so their graph would tend to differ a lot from those of others. 

A paragraph in Mickey Nivelli’s book “Together Forever – An Eternal Love Story” – a book about the Love of Sunil Dutt and Nargis Dutt states: 

“Distortions in love happen when people pursue effortless, instant gratifications. The physically fulfilled but spiritually starved people live hollow and shallow lives. Human beings are not just flesh, blood and bones. Myopic visions imprison us in prisons of short term, physical wants.” 

How true is that! How far can you just go ahead and only satisfy those physical wants? What happens when you are done and content with what you have (physically) – but still feel that empty space of missing some kind of spiritual connections? 

Have you had relationships – wherein they just have turned out to surprise you? Some of these relationships are sudden, out of the blue and just a ‘perfect match’ for you – not only physically but also “spiritually’. They are your match as per your personality and more so are called and defined a match because they are able to reciprocate to how you feel. They are able to reciprocate, as they understand how you function and they are comfortable with what you believe and live as. 

It’s rare to find such close matches. I have been lucky to find these kinds of connections in my friends. Some people only look for these matches in their life partners; however these kinds of matches are all around us – in most of the relationship we make through the cycle of life. 

These people will make you feel. They will be there in your thoughts all along in the day. You will want to tell them every other passing thought in your mind and there would be nothing that they would have missed to know about you. 

Do you have these in your life – ‘the soulful and then physical match’?

Has anyone left living life at the most highest of happy moments – and then bang comes a day where you just feel dead from within. You may not have any reason or an incident to make you feel this way, but just maybe a conversation about someone else may land up making you feel this way?

I was wondering – if the human mind and heart really doesn’t have that power to control how it feels. If consistently for months together, you have been at the highest graph level of being happy, then why and how come your system makes you hit a rock bottom in just couple of seconds.

To add to it, there are chances of feeling that needle pain, the sadness, the heart doesn’t feel alive, the smile vanishes from the face – till you again have a conversation that brings out something alive in you.

Is it the mystery that a Human Mind – only wants to listen, what it only wants to hear? Over the years, have we conditioned our minds and hearts to define happiness only and not be able to bear even a little bit of pain or sadness?

My belief or most of us would tend to believe that life is too short and its best to live it at its best and all happy!! But is it so easy…is it so easy to remove these minor distractions that make you feel low once in a while – especially in the fast times that we all are living in??

How do you feel most of the times? How do you want it to be for yourself?