As much as I would have wanted a post completely wholly dedicated to my friends, I thought it to expand my arena and get everyone to contribute as to what people would really think about what friendship is about and what it isn’t. So I sent out an email to a selected list of people asking them to pen down their thoughts to what they really believed, experienced, had thoughts, felt strongly about friendship based on their experiences so far in the relationship, which I could then publish.
We all have a value system for every relationship that we have. We all believe that there is a certain protocol that exists in every relationship on which would lie a certain base of expectations, a certain level of give and take. What is really amazing is that every individual being so different has a different way of building their own value system in the relationship. And I really wanted to tap that. I wanted to know what people thought, and felt or have felt so far in the experiences that they have had.
The best part of this entire experience was, that I was absolutely just amazed, touched, numbed and add another 100 more synonyms to these words which I felt when I started getting responses from people. Below, I reproduce what they have mentioned. Where some people have not had any restrictions in me publishing their names, some have been mentioned in their Abbreviations.
From Kripa Krishnamoorthy: (Kripa replied to me as per below, marking all her friends on CC and dedicating this to them – how cool is that)
- Being able to pick up where you have left of last. 5 minutes or 5 years. ( Aparna that one is for you)
- Walking into their home after years, and feeling like you always belong there. ( Kusum that for you)
- Having a twenty minute chat which makes you feel like you have a refreshed your dreams for life ( Dude!! that’s for the only guy on the CC list – Deepak Ganapathy)
From Charu Raghavan: (Something sooo different, something that I wouldn’t have quite thought of)
Rather than defining friendship, I’d like to define my idea of a true friend. A true friend is:
- ..a person who CHOOSES to PARTICIPATE in your life rather than merely OBSERVE it from a distance….. As I see it, most people put the ‘me’ before the ‘us’, sometimes consciously, sometimes not. Preoccupation with the self is natural but most often, it consumes people and defines their existence. Hence, when anybody chooses to go beyond that and participate in another’s life in all genuiness, I’d think its a privilege to have such a friend. When you give a friend or any other relationship space in your life with all genuineness and trust, the ‘us’ always takes precedence over the ‘me’…and that’s how humanity was meant to be.
- My conclusion: Friendship is the foundation stone to being human and your best bet at survival. And from personal experience, isolation doesn’t work..coz your true friends always sniff you out! 😉
From Wama Bheda:
- Reading the mind of your buddy
- Always being there for your friend
- Accepting your friend for what he/she is
- Saying the truth or correcting your friend when you know he/she is wrong
- A relationship of a lifetime
- About sharing your life with the special ones
- Being yourself
From Ryan Lewis:
- About identity
- Being Humble
- Kicking one’s butt to improve of course
From Vanessa White:
- Friendship is most definitely about communicating always. When one fails to communicate with one’s friends, the friendships break down. We cannot assume that the other person knows us well enough, to not have to tell them/show them/let them know clearly and openly what is going on with us.
- Honesty of communication is also the only way to go. To show respect for our friendships, and for ourselves and the other individual, honesty is a must. It is really nonnegotiable.
- Friendship is also about being together, with your friend and in the friendship, when you need each other and when you don’t. When you are having fun and when you are comfortable, and everything in between. When we turn our backs on our friends, we turn our backs on those people that enrich and bring joy to our lives.
- It’s about you knowing silently when your friends would need you the most.
- It’s about sharing that pain more than joy.
- It’s about fighting for that relationship when it would have turned sour to make it work.
From Anjali R:
- Friendship is about “Trusting” & listening to “Trust”.
- It is about believing in your most trusted relationships
- It is about speaking emotions when words seem far less.
- It is about communicating, honestly, openly and freely.
- It is about helping overcome the most toughest challenges in each other’s life “TOGETHER”. It’s about ‘US” and not about ‘ME’
- It is about being together for a life time, in rains, in storms, in hope, and in the joys and celebration.
From Rajshreee G:
- About being together Always
I’d like to add a word to the above underlined few words. Friendship is about being together always emotionally/ mentally. It is practically not possible to
maybe physically be together forever. However, I do agree with your friends staying connected emotionally. Distance no matter how large, a true friend can always be with you as we have technology today to support us.
Communicating always: I would partially agree with this. Once again looking at schedules it might get a bit difficult to communicate all the time due to lack of time. However, once again an SMS today can even reach America in 5 seconds. So, if a person would like to communicate he/she can do so very conveniently. However, there are times when we might not do it either coz we have something more important to talk which might need a telephone or personally going and meeting someone and then we wait for a weekend to come. If the communication does take place its good. But usually by the weekend is here we tend to forget and this eventually builds up and then comes the day where you are not in touch with the person.
Friendship Isn’t About…
From Kripa Krishnamoorthy:
- Judging their decisions however irrational they may be.
- Letting a misunderstanding cloud over years of connect.(DNM/ Chits, you know what)
From Wama Bheda:
- About secrets
- About gains or selfish motives
From Ryan Lewis:
- One up-man-ship
- Stabbing one in the back
From Vanessa White:
- Friendship is not about obligation or “I must do” kind of thing. Friendship is born out of a desire to be with a person, or people, that we enjoy the company. That we have things in common with. That we share a dream or a goal with. Some of my fondest memories in my life are with the friendships that I established when I was in college 25 years ago. They were strong bonds and were forged in real life situations.
- Friendship is NOT about ego, or about competition. When it becomes about that, it is no longer friendship, and there is a lack of honesty in the intention of the relationship.
- Friendship is not about putting ourselves above another, or putting them below us either. It is about all of us being on a level playing field, treating each other as peers, collaborators and colleagues rather than competitors. When competition or ego enters, it destroys trust and it creates power in a relationship that eats it away.
- Friendship is a must in this life. We don’t have to have hundreds of friends, but we all need to have them. I have to say, that some of the most genuine and fun, learning friendships have come to me through my blogging. I have met some of the most amazing people and when we make friends, the world just opens up for us!!!!
- It’s not friendship, if there is a doubt on the integrity of the one whom you call a friend.
- It’s not friendship when, you feel unsure about the decisions that your friend would ask you to make for your own good.
- Its not friendship when, you have not spoken clearly expecting the other to know it all.
From Anjali R:
- It is not about competing.
- It is not about having the ego to clarify when things go wrong.
- It is not about judging the other person.
- It is not about pointing fingers at the opposite person’s vices.
From Rajshreee G:
- About Ego
Its NEVER NEVER about Ego. However, like I have mentioned in the “communicating always” tab if ignorance takes over keeping in touch, there would be a limit to which you can make efforts. Once that limit is crossed Ego does take over. So there should be a limit to which a friend can give coz its always both ways. Give and take.
Only 1 word for this. NEVER. Competition with Friends does not exist in my dictionary no matter what.
Just wanted to say a few more things. I’ve often noticed that at every stage in life you have different friends. As we same some remain some move on. However, I am yet finding answers to a few questions:
1. Why is it that nowadays friendship has become a temporary needful term? Why once the purpose is served people forget friends?
2. Expectations- Should there be any or not? If there should be any then how much?
3. GIVE AND TAKE- The basic of any relationship!! Why is it that we tend to ignore or (take it for granted) only in friendship
Thank You all for sending in such wonderful thoughts and words of wisdom. It’s been absolutely my blessing to have such amazing supportive people around me all the time. A true blessing in disguise. As far as my Definition of what friendship is about….Friendship to me is
“You Guys…” Everything that you are – defines friendship.
Thank You once again
Lots of Luv,
PS: I am not in Hibernation even though I know I have been very quite with my blogging. I will be back with a bang and lots more coming up soon, very soon. I am hunting and searching still very hard for that mojo which has left me in a lurch, right in the middle all of a sudden in now where land.