A new month of the new year a new beginning. Let’s begin it with some funnies that made me smile and grin and laugh. LOL these were hilarious!
A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come with me running through the forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!” The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, “Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so good!” The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot… The rabbit says “Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!” The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.
As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, “Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!”
The lion answers….. …..
“That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he’s high on cocaine!”
A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven’s Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him, “Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?”
The guy replies, “I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai!”
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi, “Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven …”
Now it is the priest’s turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice, “I am Pope’s Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.”
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest, “Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven … ”
“Just a minute,” says the agonized Priest. “How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who’s spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?”
“Results my friend, results,” shrugs God.
“While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED”
It’s PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts
The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers.
Work progressed, however, right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was, through its prayers and congregations, ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:
“I don’t know how I’m going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn’t.” !!!
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So, he announced, “Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.”
Then, he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, “My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.” The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter…
All except the poor Groom!!